Calling it Done

My account is cancelled and the game is uninstalled.  I gave it nearly half a year from when my interest died before I finally cancelled just in case I was simply in another phase of burnout, but that question has now been answered.

I have no other games and no interest in any other games out there, so my reasons for even throwing out the token update to this site from time to time are gone… so it seems this is also my farewell post.

And I find that I have nothing to say.

The Tarnished Path

I admit it.  I don’t know the first thing about this so-called “Golden Path” that SOE is implementing in EQ2.  I haven’t been keeping up with news, developer notes and chats, patch notes, and all that good stuff.  I haven’t even been reading gaming blogs all that much and I certainly haven’t been in game much, so I honestly don’t know what exactly is going on.
 
Being completely clueless and totally out of the loop sounds like the perfect invitation to throw out my 2 cents. 
 
Over the years, I have heard a lot of people saying that the level grind in EQ2 needs to be simplified.  My guild leader has always been a vocal proponent for easing the leveling path.
 
I disagree… not because I’m some old cranky fuggar waving my cane in the air and screaming, “Back when I was a young adventurer, we walked to our quest hubs barefoot… in the snow… both ways… and we LIKED it!”  I disagree because the leveling grind is already stupid easy.  It isn’t hard.  What it is is tedious… and there is a difference.
 
Now I realize that different people play in different ways and have different things that they enjoy.  When it comes to the newbie stuff, I personally prefer the original (revamped) newbie islands.  I’ll freely admit that I probably prefer them due to nostalgia, but I was pretty disappointed when I heard that they were getting rid of those islands completely.  “It’s confusing to newer players.”  Well, here’s a thought.  Rather than burning down the entire building because you found a mouse, why not add a message to character select?  If you pick to start in Qeynos or Freeport, have a message that pops up warning new players that this path might be more difficult and point them to your vaunted golden path?  When you start eliminating options in an MMO and replace them with a connect-the-dots approach to playing, the game is no longer a free-world MMO.  It’s a standalone game with a chat client.
 
I don’t know what all they are planning to remove with the next game update.  I don’t know if it is just the newbie islands or if all of the little zones off of the hamlets will be removed as well.  I’m hoping it is just the newbie islands.
 
One of the problems that I see in a lot of the newbie stuff they have released with various expansions and updates is that they seem to be losing sight of what makes the MMO experience so enjoyable for so many people.  The original content came with newbie dungeons.  I don’t remember if they were there at launch or added later, but you have the Wailing Caves (I think that is the name) in Qeynos and the Sunken City (again, I think that is the name) in Freeport.  Get a few more levels and you get the Down Below in Qeynos and a comparable zone in Freeport.  With Greater Faydark, Darklight Woods, and Timorous Deep, there are no dungeons to experience at lower levels.  Instead, there is a straight course, follow the path quest structure that leads you around by the nose.
 
I guess even that wouldn’t be so bad if there was any substance to the quest lines.  The trend for the last while seems to be to make the quest lines very verbose using tons of text in a poorly disguised attempt to make you forget the fact that yet another NPC is sending you out to kill ten rats.  They might throw in a weak attempt at presenting an actual story by concocting a completely unbelievable tale of woe about how “rats killed my father,” but it all boils down to lazy quest design and poor writing skills.
 
Even the newer heritage quests, which have always been quests where you could count on getting some pretty decent storied tie-ins to EQ and pre-shattered Norrath, have become laughable in the laziness with which the developers approach the quests.  There isn’t even an attempt at continuity any longer and the “new and improved” storylines come across as pathetic attempts to hide the fact that there seems to be little creativity left these days.
 
The worst part is that the problem appears to be getting worse rather than getting better.  Rather than putting in an effort to make leveling fun, exciting and immersive, Sony has decided to instead do all they can do to take leveling out of the game completely by providing a clear-cut path.  Just follow the numbers in order and you get to max level with minimal effort.
 
I guess we as gamers are simply too stupid to be given choices so from now on the game companies are going to tell us how to play, how to level and how to raid.  Maybe they will also install a pop up message that will inform us of when we are having fun so we’ll know that as well.

Who Needs an Active Rao?

I find it amusing to look and see how the hits to this site have increased dramatically since I quit posting very often.

I wonder if I should be insulted by that?

Am I a Gamer?

It’s been a while so I thought I should check in.

I’ve been asking myself lately, “Am I still a gamer?”  That leads me to further ask, “What constitutes the definition of being a gamer?”

I have considered myself a gamer since I was a young boy growing up.  I cut my teeth playing games like Wizardry and Ultima.  I progressed through those titles and moved on to the King’s Quest and Zork games.  The early console systems never really interested me all that much (although I did play them) because I loved my fantasy games and the early consoles didn’t have many offerings along those lines.

I left computer games behind for many years, but in high school, I started back when I discovered Star Flight.  From there I went to the Heroes of Might and Magic games followed by Warcraft 2 and, eventually Baldur’s Gate.  Not long after my induction into the world of Baldur’s Gate, Everquest was launched and, since then, my gaming has been Everquest, Star Wars Galaxies, and Everquest 2.

It seems odd to me after so many years of gaming as my primary source of entertainment to be spending so little time doing so now.  I don’t love games any less than I did.  I simply have other things that I love more.

Gaming has developed over time into a serious time commitment.  The leveling curve is less of a time sink than it once was, but when it comes to raiding, there is still far too much prep time involved and too much time required if you wish to raid.  With the release of Sentinel’s Fate, that time requirement seems to have increased.

Between the armor sets, the resist sets, the AA sets, the potion sets, and the various other elements, I found a grind that I didn’t have a stomach for.  Add in the server instability that has wrecked the game since the release of the expansion and, most notably, since the launch of the Battlegrounds and I have little desire for it any longer.

I’m not turning into one of those old-school gamers who blew too many years in a game and then woke up one day bitter and angry.  I’m not about to dedicate my time to lashing out and talking about what a waste of time the last decade of my life has been.

I have had a great time playing.  I have made some really great friends that I never would have made were it not for MMO’s.  I have some great memories of times spent with those friends.  I still get nostalgic for times and adventures that I remember and friends that I no longer see or hear from.  I think back and I do believe that my life is richer and my perspectives are broader today than they were before I discovered the land called Norrath.

My personal world is simply moving in other directions these days.  I have found something that I love more than I love gaming… something I would rather spend my time doing than sitting in front of a computer screen.  And, most importantly to me, I am happier than I have been in a very long time.

That is not to say that I am no longer playing at all.  I still do log on from time to time.  In the last 3 weeks, my total online time is less than 5 hours cumulative, but I do pop in here and there.  I don’t think that will change any time soon.

This expansion killed my desire to raid.  It also killed my desire to gear up and turn my character into the best it can be.  It isn’t to most people, but to my current direction of thinking, it is a supreme waste of time to worry about such things any longer… especially when I realize it will all become negligible with the release of the next expansion.  For me, the destination has become truly and utterly pointless, so on the rare occasions that I do log on, it becomes solely about the journey.  If I decide to spend my one session of the week sitting in a building in Qeynos and listening to the zone music, that is how I will spend my time.

If I am only playing for an hour per week, does that still make me a gamer?

I don’t know.  I don’t even know if I consider myself one any longer.  For that one hour per week that I do log on, I can’t even decide if I log on because I want to log on or if I log on because I want to talk to a couple of friends that I only talk to in game.

Perhaps I’m turning into an old retired adventurer who spends his days sitting in the tavern drinking away his coin and living for those moments when bright-eyed youngsters roam in so I can light the fires inside them with tales of my past deeds.  When they roam out the door with the excitement of coming adventures in their eyes, I watch them wistfully and remember younger days.  I wonder for a moment if I should pick up my sword and go for one last grand adventure, but then I feel the chill in my bones reminding me that my best years are behind me.  I lift my ale in salute to the ghosts of my old comrades and to the youngsters who have taken up the cause and then return to my drink… fondly remembering the days where everything was fresh and new.

Shifting Priorities… Which Means Nothing

It should come as no surprise to anyone who has read this site for any length of time that my focus and attitude have shifted drastically over the last few months.

For the last 3 years (give or take), I have been all about EQ2.  That is what I did in my spare time and I had nothing but praises to sing about the game.  Lately, I have played less and less and my praises have turned to complaints.  As I watch others who I read and/or play with, I see that my view of SF being a “crappy” expansion is certainly not the rule of the mob.

Which leaves my personal point of view.

The bottom line is that my priorities have shifted drastically over the last 6 months and, as a result, I no longer view gaming as the great way to spend free time that I used to.

The transition has been bumpy for me.  Gaming has been my primary away from work hobby for over a decade now and dropping it has been like dropping any developed habit.  I reach my normal log on time every night and I often find myself walking towards the computer whether I’m in the mood to play or not.

Instead of looking at gaming as that thing I want to do and look forward to every day, I now view it as that thing that keeps me away from doing what I want to do.

It’s almost like being a junkie.  I have things that I want to do, but I sometimes don’t because I need to get my “gaming fix” even when gaming isn’t what I want to do.

Once the true realization set in, things got a lot easier.  It all came to a head last night.

I got home from work and the wind was howling.  I spent all day long thinking about how much I wanted to get out and ride my bike, but once the winds kicked up, I ‘resigned’ myself into a night of gaming instead.

When I started walking towards the computer, I am not making it up or exaggerating this… I started hearing the line from The Green Mile repeating over and over again in my head: “Walking the mile, walking the mile.”

It was then that I realized how stupid this all was.  I wanted to ride.  Who cares how hard the wind was blowing if it was something I wanted to do?  Why was I moving in to play a game I didn’t really want to play when what I wanted to do was sitting right there?

And without another thought, I went to change into my riding clothes and headed out into the wind.

The ride was tough and tiring.  The times I spent riding into the wind were grueling and exhausting… and I had a smile on my face the entire time.

It was then (with sweat pouring down my face, blowing dust sticking to my body, and my heart thundering in my ears from the effort of pedaling in near 40 mph winds) that I realized it was time to stop fighting it.

Gaming is no longer an important part of my life.  It is a distraction and can be a welcome distraction, but it is time I realize that it is far from what it once was.

None of this matters really beyond the following: if I’m not going to be playing, I’m not going to have anything to talk about.  I decided some time ago to separate out the two aspects of my life (gaming and riding) into 2 different blogs.

This blog will continue so long as I am gaming in some capacity, but the posts will most likely become very few and far between… maybe 1 post a week.  If, when all the adjusting is done, I realize that I don’t want to play games at all any longer, I’ll make one final farewell post.

I’m simply starting to view gaming as you view an old high school friend that you haven’t seen in years.  You run into them again one day and realize you have nothing in common any longer and really have nothing left to say.  You are reluctant to write them off and say you aren’t friends any longer, but sooner or later, you have to admit that the memories of good times are all you have left and that the friendship died a long time ago.

When I think of quitting completely, my mind starts to race over all the years of enjoyment I’ve had playing games and I talk myself out of it.  As soon as I log on, however, I start to wonder why I’m there and get frustrated that I can’t seem to find the enjoyment I once did.

Most likely, it is time to say goodbye but we’ll wait and see how the next couple of weeks go before making that final decision.