Shifting Priorities… Which Means Nothing

It should come as no surprise to anyone who has read this site for any length of time that my focus and attitude have shifted drastically over the last few months.

For the last 3 years (give or take), I have been all about EQ2.  That is what I did in my spare time and I had nothing but praises to sing about the game.  Lately, I have played less and less and my praises have turned to complaints.  As I watch others who I read and/or play with, I see that my view of SF being a “crappy” expansion is certainly not the rule of the mob.

Which leaves my personal point of view.

The bottom line is that my priorities have shifted drastically over the last 6 months and, as a result, I no longer view gaming as the great way to spend free time that I used to.

The transition has been bumpy for me.  Gaming has been my primary away from work hobby for over a decade now and dropping it has been like dropping any developed habit.  I reach my normal log on time every night and I often find myself walking towards the computer whether I’m in the mood to play or not.

Instead of looking at gaming as that thing I want to do and look forward to every day, I now view it as that thing that keeps me away from doing what I want to do.

It’s almost like being a junkie.  I have things that I want to do, but I sometimes don’t because I need to get my “gaming fix” even when gaming isn’t what I want to do.

Once the true realization set in, things got a lot easier.  It all came to a head last night.

I got home from work and the wind was howling.  I spent all day long thinking about how much I wanted to get out and ride my bike, but once the winds kicked up, I ‘resigned’ myself into a night of gaming instead.

When I started walking towards the computer, I am not making it up or exaggerating this… I started hearing the line from The Green Mile repeating over and over again in my head: “Walking the mile, walking the mile.”

It was then that I realized how stupid this all was.  I wanted to ride.  Who cares how hard the wind was blowing if it was something I wanted to do?  Why was I moving in to play a game I didn’t really want to play when what I wanted to do was sitting right there?

And without another thought, I went to change into my riding clothes and headed out into the wind.

The ride was tough and tiring.  The times I spent riding into the wind were grueling and exhausting… and I had a smile on my face the entire time.

It was then (with sweat pouring down my face, blowing dust sticking to my body, and my heart thundering in my ears from the effort of pedaling in near 40 mph winds) that I realized it was time to stop fighting it.

Gaming is no longer an important part of my life.  It is a distraction and can be a welcome distraction, but it is time I realize that it is far from what it once was.

None of this matters really beyond the following: if I’m not going to be playing, I’m not going to have anything to talk about.  I decided some time ago to separate out the two aspects of my life (gaming and riding) into 2 different blogs.

This blog will continue so long as I am gaming in some capacity, but the posts will most likely become very few and far between… maybe 1 post a week.  If, when all the adjusting is done, I realize that I don’t want to play games at all any longer, I’ll make one final farewell post.

I’m simply starting to view gaming as you view an old high school friend that you haven’t seen in years.  You run into them again one day and realize you have nothing in common any longer and really have nothing left to say.  You are reluctant to write them off and say you aren’t friends any longer, but sooner or later, you have to admit that the memories of good times are all you have left and that the friendship died a long time ago.

When I think of quitting completely, my mind starts to race over all the years of enjoyment I’ve had playing games and I talk myself out of it.  As soon as I log on, however, I start to wonder why I’m there and get frustrated that I can’t seem to find the enjoyment I once did.

Most likely, it is time to say goodbye but we’ll wait and see how the next couple of weeks go before making that final decision.