Am I a Gamer?

It’s been a while so I thought I should check in.

I’ve been asking myself lately, “Am I still a gamer?”  That leads me to further ask, “What constitutes the definition of being a gamer?”

I have considered myself a gamer since I was a young boy growing up.  I cut my teeth playing games like Wizardry and Ultima.  I progressed through those titles and moved on to the King’s Quest and Zork games.  The early console systems never really interested me all that much (although I did play them) because I loved my fantasy games and the early consoles didn’t have many offerings along those lines.

I left computer games behind for many years, but in high school, I started back when I discovered Star Flight.  From there I went to the Heroes of Might and Magic games followed by Warcraft 2 and, eventually Baldur’s Gate.  Not long after my induction into the world of Baldur’s Gate, Everquest was launched and, since then, my gaming has been Everquest, Star Wars Galaxies, and Everquest 2.

It seems odd to me after so many years of gaming as my primary source of entertainment to be spending so little time doing so now.  I don’t love games any less than I did.  I simply have other things that I love more.

Gaming has developed over time into a serious time commitment.  The leveling curve is less of a time sink than it once was, but when it comes to raiding, there is still far too much prep time involved and too much time required if you wish to raid.  With the release of Sentinel’s Fate, that time requirement seems to have increased.

Between the armor sets, the resist sets, the AA sets, the potion sets, and the various other elements, I found a grind that I didn’t have a stomach for.  Add in the server instability that has wrecked the game since the release of the expansion and, most notably, since the launch of the Battlegrounds and I have little desire for it any longer.

I’m not turning into one of those old-school gamers who blew too many years in a game and then woke up one day bitter and angry.  I’m not about to dedicate my time to lashing out and talking about what a waste of time the last decade of my life has been.

I have had a great time playing.  I have made some really great friends that I never would have made were it not for MMO’s.  I have some great memories of times spent with those friends.  I still get nostalgic for times and adventures that I remember and friends that I no longer see or hear from.  I think back and I do believe that my life is richer and my perspectives are broader today than they were before I discovered the land called Norrath.

My personal world is simply moving in other directions these days.  I have found something that I love more than I love gaming… something I would rather spend my time doing than sitting in front of a computer screen.  And, most importantly to me, I am happier than I have been in a very long time.

That is not to say that I am no longer playing at all.  I still do log on from time to time.  In the last 3 weeks, my total online time is less than 5 hours cumulative, but I do pop in here and there.  I don’t think that will change any time soon.

This expansion killed my desire to raid.  It also killed my desire to gear up and turn my character into the best it can be.  It isn’t to most people, but to my current direction of thinking, it is a supreme waste of time to worry about such things any longer… especially when I realize it will all become negligible with the release of the next expansion.  For me, the destination has become truly and utterly pointless, so on the rare occasions that I do log on, it becomes solely about the journey.  If I decide to spend my one session of the week sitting in a building in Qeynos and listening to the zone music, that is how I will spend my time.

If I am only playing for an hour per week, does that still make me a gamer?

I don’t know.  I don’t even know if I consider myself one any longer.  For that one hour per week that I do log on, I can’t even decide if I log on because I want to log on or if I log on because I want to talk to a couple of friends that I only talk to in game.

Perhaps I’m turning into an old retired adventurer who spends his days sitting in the tavern drinking away his coin and living for those moments when bright-eyed youngsters roam in so I can light the fires inside them with tales of my past deeds.  When they roam out the door with the excitement of coming adventures in their eyes, I watch them wistfully and remember younger days.  I wonder for a moment if I should pick up my sword and go for one last grand adventure, but then I feel the chill in my bones reminding me that my best years are behind me.  I lift my ale in salute to the ghosts of my old comrades and to the youngsters who have taken up the cause and then return to my drink… fondly remembering the days where everything was fresh and new.